You have a great job, admirable coworkers, make a decent living and yet you no longer feel the delightful satisfaction from your work experience. By the nagging wife, you know this job is critical in the rat race known as life, but you are simply unhappy. First off, know that you are not alone! About 10% of British workers admit that they are dissatisfied with their current working predicament – but let’s face it, there’s a whole heck of a lot more! If you are one of these unhappy closet beings, you probably want to be a wee bit cryptic with getting sacked. Yet, where does one begin?

If you are out of ideas, don’t feel bad. It’s true, there is no easy endgame, especially if you are trying to get a few months pay after you are laid off. Fact: Did you know most employers will not fire you without reason? Or, it can take three months(!) of warnings before they finally let you go. And yet, when that blissful time arises, frequently your former (has a nice ring to it, no?) boss will not tell you the exact details to your lavishing release. Thus, why not have a little fun before that hopeful termination. Worst-case scenario, you don’t get sacked and have coworkers you can now consider life-long friends.

Formulating the ideas

One idea is to enjoy your nightlife with the realisation that it doesn’t actually matter what time you arrive at work. But why stop there? Most companies have this strange policy of not drinking in the workplace, bypass the system and drink even there. Bring extra beer – or allow yourself to be sophisticated by creating a wine tasting environment for the coworkers.

Note: If you happen to work in China, this may not work in your favour. The Chinese are rather prideful with showing off their drinking skills. Who knows, if you start bringing alcohol to work, perhaps your plan may backfire and you’ll be promoted – I know, what horror!

Another idea is to be extra helpful. Try surprising your coworkers by washing the windows near their desk or go further by washing their computer screens while they work. Remember everyone likes a cheery and helpful worker. Don’t forget to water the plants!

If you do not have a nagging wife at home, this is your chance to ask that coworker out! The time has risen! Forget that she said no half a dozen times – who needs an actual date? Create the right atmosphere at the workplace itself. You’ve got this!

Wars can begin too. Flicking paperclips and rubber bands at people as they pass – setup teams, make bets – who knows perhaps you’ll even make a pound or eight.

As things begin to die down, the wife would likely agree that searching for a job during work hours is practical. Check out our other page which has a concise list of the best websites for finding your dream job. However, if you can’t stand the thought of jumping into a new job straight away, scamming the payroll system works quite nicely too. Past workers have cleverly found loopholes that result in absences to work yet remain on the monthly payroll. Do note that if you take this route, then it’s possible that you may land in jail. But hey, in jail you won’t have to work either. You will even have delivered food and be told what you can and cannot do. What a win!

If you are tickled at the thought of going to jail, good news, you can expedite the process by shoving your boss out the window.

Note: According to medical professionals only 50% of people who fall from 4 story buildings die. Thus, if you are going for fatality, lure your boss to a higher floor. If, however, the thought of having an impression of your boss’ face on the back of your eyelids every night before you fall asleep frightens you, consider shoving him down the stairs. (Bonus! The nagging wife will be forced to leave you alone for a fair amount of time after a stunt like that!)

The smart direction

Now, if you would like to avoid jail time or a possible lawsuit, you can be more practical regarding the sacking. Be forewarned that this path is far from easy but, if you can be laid off on friendly terms then you can receive up to 6 months of monthly pay. It may not be a lot of pounds, but depending on how long you’ve worked for your current company, the new ‘Universal Credit’ may kick in.

Universal Creditor (UC) is a new branch of social security established only in 2013. It is estimated to be in full effect by the year 2021. It covers everything from Jobseeker Allowance (JSA), housing benefits to child tax credits to name a few. The main idea behind the concept is that as you work, part of your salary will be stored away in the off-chance of being fired. This money will then trickle back to you in slow instalments while you ‘actively’ seek for a new job.

Overall, the conclusion to this wild shenanigans is, in order to receive the benefits you ‘deserve’ (as well as that paid fancy holiday you have been dying for), you should be rather subtle with how you leave your job. For example, take long breaks, drop verbal hints by replying to simplistic questions with, ‘What’s that? Dunno. That answer is above my paygrade’, walk away mid-conversation when coworkers speak to you, give small vibes that you do not care about the job and so forth. After the usage of such tactics, hopefully, hopefully, you will be asked to leave within a few months and be able to have your glorious holiday with the help of Jobseeker Allowance or Universal Credit in no time. Good luck!

Warning: if you wish to keep your job, stay out of jail or experience a lawsuit, do not try anything mentioned above. On another note, once you are jobless/actively begin your quest of looking for a new position and discover during an interview that you do not want the job, read ‘What not to say in the interview’ to guarantee no job proposal. Furthermore, when the correct job does arise, check-out our main website for helpful hints, aptitude and psychometric exam practise and more!

And allow us, the team at JobTestPrep, to be the first to welcome you to the adventurous land of unemployment and offer you a helping hand to obtain that job you do not want today!